Speed Limits for Cyclists? Slovakia's Gone Full Stupid
Slow-vakia? More Like No-Vakia
Okay, Slovakia. Let's talk. A 6km/h speed limit for cyclists, skaters, and scooter riders on pavements? Seriously? That's, like, a brisk walking pace for a toddler. Are they TRYING to become a laughingstock? I mean, I know politicians aren't exactly known for their Mensa memberships, but this takes the cake.
The article says the parliament approved this "to improve safety." Right. Because the real danger on the streets is… checks notes … kids on scooters going slightly faster than a snail. Give me a break. What's next, mandatory bubble wrap for pedestrians? Maybe we should just ban fun altogether?
And get this: they're talking about fines up to 100 euros for exceeding this ridiculous limit. How are they even going to enforce this? Are they going to have cops with radar guns hiding behind trees, waiting to bust some poor kid on a skateboard? I can just see the headlines now: "Little Timmy Faces Jail Time for Going 7km/h on His Razor Scooter." What a waste of police resources.
The Fico Factor
Ofcourse, this isn't happening in a vacuum. The article mentions that since nationalist prime minister Robert Fico took office in 2023, his government has been busy "curbing rights." So, yeah, this isn't just about "safety," is it? It's about control. About flexing power. About making life just a little bit more miserable for the average citizen.
It's like that woman in California who stole a minivan and led the cops on a high-speed chase into Mexico. What was that about? Oh, right, she was at a sobriety home. And the owner of the home, Nicolle Walters, said, "Recovery isn’t always pretty." Ain't that the truth. But at least she had some perspective. Fico and his cronies? Not so much.
I almost feel bad for the Slovakian police. Imagine trying to explain this to someone from another country. "Yeah, we're cracking down on… checks notes again …grandma on rollerblades." They must be thrilled.
And what about Dan Kollar, the president of the Cyklokoalicia group? He called the law "nonsensical," and he's right. He even pointed out that it's hard to maintain balance at such a low speed. It's like they actively WANT people to fall and hurt themselves. Maybe that's the plan—more hospital visits, more money for the healthcare system… Nah, even I don't believe that conspiracy theory. Do I?
Meanwhile, Back in Reality...
Meanwhile, VICE TV is doing a six-part docuseries on NHRA Drag Racing. You know, where people drive cars at speeds exceeding 340 miles per hour. Now that's a real speed issue. Although, I have to admit, the idea of a documentary about cars going really fast is about as exciting as watching paint dry. But hey, at least it's not actively making people's lives worse. The series, titled “Chasing Speed,” a six-part NHRA Drag Racing docuseries, to air on VICE TV, sounds...riveting.
I guess my point is...wait, did I even have a point? Oh yeah, Slovakia is being ridiculous. But honestly, should I even care? There are bigger problems in the world. Climate change, political polarization, the fact that they still haven't made a decent sequel to "The Matrix"...
So, What the Hell is Going On?
Look, I don't know what's going on in Slovakia, and frankly, I'm not sure I want to. Maybe it's just a case of bureaucratic overreach. Maybe it's a sign of something darker. Either way, it's stupid. And it makes me want to move to a deserted island where the only speed limit is "as fast as you can run from the coconuts falling from the trees.